The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Randomize
