halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
