I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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