he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
