so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
