Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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