I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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