wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
