she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
