the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
