I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
