i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
