He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
