I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
