census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
