im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
