WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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