I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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