Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize