i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
