he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
