Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize