Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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