final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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