Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
