an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
