i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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