i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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