Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
