Sponge bath it is.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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