the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
