so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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