i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
