his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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