Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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