found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
birth control should be required to get into college
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
