SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
