My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
