He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
two words...techno handjob
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
