There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
