Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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