I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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