apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
