omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
