the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
