I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
