oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize