Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
