i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
