I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
