The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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