my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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