Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
