All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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