you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
