Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
