had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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