I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
