I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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