I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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