She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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