this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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