I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Can I color on your dick again?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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